After observing Manchild with Batman his 3-week-old Barnevelder chick, I’ve realized that not only does Manchild love being held high in the air, turned up side down, and swung around, he believes this communicates love and enjoyment to everyone. I’ve begun begging and pleading with Manchild to puh-LEASE treat your chick gently. She is not a toy, and she will hate you and run from you when she grows up. He thinks I’m funny. This prompted my list for Manchild:
Top Ten Ways Baby Chickens Are Different Than Toy Trucks:
- Toy trucks have shocks & suspension to help absorb turbulence. Baby chicks can only bob their heads and grow sad inside when you shake them.
- Toy trucks run out of gas when the little boy goes to sleep. Baby chicks run out of gas when you refuse to put them down after extensive play and they don’t get to nap on the fluff pile of all their friends.
- Toy trucks are made tough, for running into rocks, walls, and mommy’s foot. Baby chicks are not made tough, and prefer not to have their beaks dragged across the edge of the kitchen table. Again.
- Toy trucks come in bright colors to be found easily in the mess of your room, or the middle of the sandbox. They grab your attention for more play fun. Batman the Barnevelder came in camouflage brown & gold, an effort to blend in with the leaf mulch bedding in her brooder each time you walk by.
- Toy trucks can spend a winter outside and be no real worse for the wear. Baby chicks start crying when you keep them from their heat lamps for an entire episode of Wild Kratts.
- Toy trucks bounce when you drop them. Baby chicks flap hysterically when let go of by a short boy with poor judgement.
- Toy trucks are always just as emotionally stable to see you this time, as the last time, you played with them. Chicks will learn you are feral, and grow into chickens who will never let you pet them. Ever!
- Toy trucks can be parked anywhere. Baby chicks do not appreciate being left on a Poang Ikea chair, then pulled across the living room by a jump rope.
- Toy trucks can be picked up at any dollar store to replace the one you just broke. The chick we ordered you will not be available again until next year during chick season, depending on when we re-order.
- Toy trucks will, in time, fall apart and lose their value. Baby chickens will, if you don’t damage them, grow up to become hens that lay you the delicious breakfast you demand with your bacon. The one you prefer daddy, not mommy, to cook you.